Celebrating my journey to womanhood at 55 years young.

I didn’t always like being a girl or a young woman.

Background

In my recent blog post ‘flipping my thinking about ageing’ I spoke about attitudes towards ageing and my reflections on women I have lost in my life who never made it to 55. They were all significant to me, but also to others, larger than life people, busy making a huge difference in the world they worked and lived in, yet when it was their time to go, it was time to go.

This has led me to be grateful for each year I get to celebrate on this earth, another year around the sun, another year to love, laugh, play, work, contribute, and live with purpose.

Expanding on the last blog, the theme of this blog is to share my reflections about my own journey to womanhood and what that has meant to me.

It's my birthday in a few days, always a great time of reflection and gratitude.

NOTE: This post is not meant to spark debate about the big hot topic of gender or make anyone think like me, it is simply me sharing my journey. If you are reading this and disagree with any part, that is ok, we can still be friends, we each have the right to our own views. I am proud to be a woman, and all that means to me.

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I didn’t always like being a girl or a young woman.

When I was a teenager, like many, I didn’t like being a ‘girl’ much, I didn’t like my period, I didn’t want to wear dresses and for a few years almost all of my friends were boys. I found girls my own age boring and catty. Boys had more fun, they were out for adventure and didn’t spend time judging each other or me. When I did go back to having some ‘girl’ friends, I picked ones who rode horses or liked to party hard with the boys. I recall a fancy dress party around the age of 16 where I dressed like a college boy, it didn’t mean anything except a heap of laughs and fun. Heck I even cut my hair off at the age of 14 (the only time in my life I have had short hair).

My parents had a portrait painted of me at this time and I remember hating it.

My head was always down, I appeared shy and awkward.

I didn't have a relationship with God. I knew about him, went to church with family, I knew about religion but had yet to connect this to a living relationship with God.

Back then, this was accepted as a normal developmental phase of adolescence. Without too much overthinking, my amazing, practical, sensible (probably perplexed by my behaviour) parents just loved me for who I was, they didn’t freak out and suggest that perhaps I was meant to be a boy, they loved me through it all and I came out the otherside somewhere between 16-18. They saw me as their teenage daughter going through a massive discovery journey to adulthood.

I am forever grateful for the way they loved and treated me at that time, because it allowed me to naturally route back and find my way into accepting my womanhood in my own time.

During adolescence, it is common for teenagers to experience an identity crisis and to explore their sense of self. This is a normal and healthy part of development, and it is important for teenagers to have the opportunity to discover who they are and what they want out of life.

Research has shown that girls in particular may go through a distinct developmental phase in their teenage years called the "identity moratorium" phase. During this phase, girls may question their beliefs, values, and goals, and may experiment with different identities and roles.

As I matured and found myself learning to understand my strengths and focus on who I was born to be in this world, I am still on that journey of discovery. I was always encouraged to become the best version of myself I could be. I had clear messages growing up, I can still be a woman and do most things I wanted to do.

My parents always encouraged me to give things a go and do my best.

My mothers common saying which has served me well in life is “ This too shall pass'.She always talked about going through ‘phases’ and didn’t get too hung up on any stage or phase I went through, which allowed me to just evolve as I needed to.

In my difficult awkward phase my Dad took me heli skiing, I think he instinctively knew I needed action and to do something adventurous with my Dad!

He laughed with me and at me (mostly about my music choices).

Now, I love being a woman for so many reasons, and there have been many men in my life who have helped me get to this point, my father, my grandfather, my brother, my uncles, male pastors, male friends, male counsellors and mentors,and my own son, I am grateful for you all.

My faith grounds me in the truth of who God says I am, he formed me in my mothers womb, had plans for my life on earth. My journey so far has been about trying to tap into that, even when I didn't understand this truth.

I have packed a lot into my 55 years as a woman, some of these things I have had the privilege of doing because I am a woman, (no particular order)

• I have had 7 pregnancies and 5 beautiful living children ( a beautiful privilege and blessing I have as a woman to carry babies, not all women get to experience this)

• I breastfed my babies (I will never refer to this as chest feeding as I have breasts as a women and I am proud that is something I can do)

• Been at the birth of 4 of my 7 grandchildren (one still born) and the birth of a close friends child (such a privilege)

• Had the courage to leave my first husband after 10 challenging years, married too young and were just not good for each other, but thankful for the 2 children we had together. NO regrets

• Re married my soulmate (26 years together and loving it)

• I have run in short distance triathlon teams and won

• I have achieved my second degree black belt in karate (in my 40s)

• I have won a silver medal in kata at the karate Nationals

• I have achieved a university degree, whilst working and parenting

• I worked my way up in the leisure industry to operations manager at a pool (typically a male role)

• I have travelled the world for work

• I have owned 3 businesses

• Co written and published a professional development book that is in libraries and making a difference. Unleash your superpowers.

• I have run the 10k race in a marathon in a good time (something I will never do again because long distance running bores me but it was a goal)

• I have good relationships with all my kids as adults and my last baby who is almost 15 at the time of writing this

• I am an active member of my church, 20 years and counting, a community of incredible souls who have walked through so much of my life with me, my extended whanau

I am forever grateful for my parents, the influence of a few teachers, wider family members and God's guidance and love, that was not tapped into at the time but realised later that he never left my side.

I am a proud Pākehā wahine. Thank you to all those who have been part of my journey so far in any way.

Thank you to God for giving me life and for travelling patiently with me through it all. Always loving, listening and providing.

Raising kids and young adults is a minefield, every day these tiny humans evolve under our love and guidance is fraught with both challenge and joy. Now it's even harder, with 5 year olds walking around with Iphones. Kids today have a far more complex life than I think was intended by God.

I could not have raised mine without a relationship with God and a strong faith. There were times when things were so tough all I could do was pray.

I pray for a long life, I often say I am hoping to live well into my 90s, I have stuff to do, yet I try to live like I only have today, not always easy, but after losing lots of people in my life through various circumstances, I have learned to focus on each day I am given.

There are several Bible verses that encourage us to live in the present and trust in God for the future. Here are a few examples:

1. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34

2. "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

3. "So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." - Matthew 6:34 (NLT)

4. "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring." - Proverbs 27:1

5. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." - Psalm 90:12

These verses remind us that we are not promised tomorrow and that we should focus on living in the present, trusting in God's provision for each day.

Arohanui

Jen

PS. If you are navigating raising kids or young adults in this crazy world. Here are some good books I recommend.

Some faith based psychologists who have written on the subject of raising kids:

James Dobson: Dobson is a clinical psychologist and the founder of the Christian organisation Focus on the Family. He has written several books on child development, including "The Strong-Willed Child" and "Bringing Up Boys."

Gary Chapman: Chapman is a marriage counsellor and author who is best known for his book "The 5 Love Languages," which outlines different ways in which people express and receive love. He has also written books on parenting, including "The Five Love Languages of Children."

John Townsend: Townsend is a clinical psychologist and co-author of the popular "Boundaries" series of books. He has written several books on parenting, including "Boundaries with Kids" and "Raising Great Kids."

Larry Crabb: Crabb is a Christian counsellor and author who has written several books on psychology and spirituality. He has also written books on parenting, including "Parenting with Grace" and "The Pressure's Off."

Paul David Tripp: Tripp is a Christian counsellor and author who has written several books on parenting, including "Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family" and "Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens."