Mind your language!

I am talking about all of our language, not just the cussing bits of it. Internal, external, the words we use matter.

I will confess right up front, that when I get angry, or slack, I swear. If you asked my friends they would say I hardly do, so I guess when I do it is noticeable.

I live in a house with teenagers and people who work on building sites, my customers and clients mostly reside in the construction industry and for some reason this industry has just developed this 'language' of rough and ready including a lot of swearing!

When you are surrounded by people who swear often, and fluently it is even more challenging to hold higher standards of communication.

Some argue there is nothing wrong with swearing, but what I released is that is one perspective, others are highly offended by it, so as a writer and communicator I need to be aware that not everyone in my audience will hear the good messages I have to share if I am swearing.

One day I was praying and walking and I just felt a gentle nudge from God reminding me of the incredible gift of communication he had given me, and to use that gift for good.

I have been a 'chatter box' since I was little. I was that kid who always go it written on her report card " Jennifer would get more work done if she stopped talking and paid attention"

I honestly thought it was a bad thing! Until I realised it was my gift, but this was years after I left school feeling like I had failed. Nobody recognised my true gift with words and offered to help me channel it, I figured that out with the help of some mentors, coaches and a process of career choice elimination!

Learning to just shut up and listen has been huge! I became a very good listener.

As I have grown in this gift I have felt driven to improve our internal and external dialogue as individuals, and hold the belief that we can change the world we live in one conversation, one interaction at a time. It all begins with how we speak to ourselves, and the to each other.

"It is not what we have to say it is the way we say it that counts." Jen Tyson

My biggest challenge has been learning to harness and use my gift of communication for good. To realise that the words I use are powerful and have an impact.

Here are some of my tips for keeping that power positive, things that have worked for me, like I say I am still a work in progress and I just do my very best every day to keep checking in with myself.

• Check the ripples your words create - Acknowledge that every time we open our mouths and say something, speak to ourselves or type something to someone, we are creating ripples, those ripples will either be positive or negative. We get to choose.

Proverbs 18 : 21

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

God has had me on a journey and I am still on it, of cleaning up my language, to myself, to others and through the work I do.

• Ask God to help you clean up your words, ask him to show you where you are communicating positively with yourself and others and where you are not, and to help you turn that around. You will just become more aware of it, which is the first step to change.

This cleaning job is not just about the swear words, it is about the other words I use, the things I say and also the things I don't say or hold back.

• Encourage someone to feel encouraged - If you are not one to compliment others, start by noticing one nice thing about someone next time you have an opportunity, start close to home with your spouse or kids or siblings. Be genuine, it doesn't have to gushy or wordy, just straight up something nice. The ripple effects of compliments are huge! You have no idea where someone is at when you say something nice to them and what a difference it makes in their day.

I realised I am an encourager, once I stepped into this gift and owned it I was so much happier myself, every time I encourage someone, I get encouraged.

• The things that just 'have to be said' - I hear people say with pride, "I am straight up honest, I am the one that will just say what needs to be said because someone had to"

I have learned to ask myself any one of these questions first: What is the impact if I say this thing? Am I going to leave this situation, person or relationship better or worse off if I say this? Is there a better time to say what I need to say? Is there a way I can land what I need to say in a way that will keep the relationship and persons feelings in tact? Is this my business and for me to say or someone else's place? What is the most appropriate way to approach this conversation? What is my intention for saying what I think I should say? Will any harm be done if I don't say it right now? Sometimes it is better to leave something unsaid even for a period of time and come back to it after some contemplation, if at all.

• The words we say to ourselves - I reckon on the whole we are not very nice to ourselves, we speak to ourselves in a way that we would maybe never speak to someone else. What we think and say about ourselves either in our heads, under our breath or out loud really matters. We have to learn to be more like our own best friend, you can notice the things you say to yourself and just replace that dialogue with what you would say to a friend.

It matters because it relates directly to our ability to speak positively to others, we have to start the inside job first.

Final encouragements:

If you notice you are a way off on this journey as you start to question your own language, don't be discouraged, we have to start somewhere and before we even start we have to acknowledge that there is work to do, the encouraging thing is that you have the choice to choose.

When you combine God's good power and grace, with your own will and action you have a powerful mix, he will bless your words, he will bless your ripples.

As a recovering perfectionist I have given myself permission to slip up, to have some off days, but I always try to get back on the path the next day, I start by asking God to help and guide me.

You are on a journey my friend, stay on it, keep seeking to be a better version of yourself each day with God's help.

Below are some scriptures around the power of our words that may help.

Arohanui

Jen

Exodus 4:11,12 And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? …

Hosea 14:2 Take with you words, and turn to the LORD: say unto him, Take away all iniquity, and receive us graciously: so will we render the calves of our lips.

Luke 21:15 For I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which all your adversaries shall not be able to gainsay nor resist.

peace

Matthew 10:13 And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.

Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

Luke 2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.